People are.....interesting

In an amazing display of the technological advances our society has made, my number 3 brother sent me a text stating that he was "officially engaged" as of Christmas Day 2009. Since he proposed sometime back in July/August 2009, I was under the impression that they were already engaged. Apparently the giving and receiving of an engagement ring is what denotes officiality. (I just made up a new word! Officiality: the state of being official.) I did not know this. I also find that I feel this is quite ridiculous. If a man asks a woman to share her life with him and she agrees, doesn't that mean that they are affianced/betrothed/engaged to become wed? Why does the exchange of a piece of jewelry mean more than the question and answer? What is the symbolism behind the ring? And why is it only given to the woman and not a mutual exchange?

If an engagement ring is a symbol of love and intent to share a life with another, I can think of several other objects that would be more appropriate than an expensive ring.

Object #1-

A Two-Man Tent: A tent is a portable home. If a man were to give a woman a tent he would be saying, "Come share my home and no matter where we go, we will always have shelter." In essence, the proposal of marriage is the proposal to blend two separate lives into one life. The giving and receiving of a tent would be more appropriate to suggest the idea of sharing that life, building a home together, and creating a new family unit. It reminds me of the line "Come live with me and be my love" from Christopher Marlowe's poem The Passionate Shepherd to His Love.

Object #2-

A Rocking Chair: Think about a rocking chair for a moment. What memories do you have? What feelings does the image of a rocking chair present in your mind? For me, it is the ultimate in comfort and security. The symbol of a rocking chair carries through every stage of life. Newborn: Being rocked by a parent to go to sleep or be fed. Childhood: Sitting in a lap being read to by a parent. Adolescence: Rocking one's self in an attempt to recapture that sense of security felt in younger years. (The rocking motion is a self-soothing technique.) Early Adulthood: Being the parent rocking the child to sleep or to offer comfort and security. Late adulthood: Sitting on the front porch watching the sunset. The image of a rocking chair brings to mind the line "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be" by Robert Browning. It also suggests as a gift to someone: I want to grow old with you, have babies with you, and share in your joys, sorrows, and moments of simply being.

Object #3-

The Exchange of Vows: Okay, so this isn't an object. But shouldn't the exchange of verbal agreement to live as husband and wife, legally and lawfully, in front of witnesses mean more than a ring? A man's/woman's word used to mean something; it still should.

Object #4-

Certificate of Marriage: And, when you exchange vows, you get this nifty piece of paper that states that you are married. It is called a Certificate of Marriage and is recognized by most governments as a sign that the two people have chosen to belong to each other as a married couple. That is a pretty powerful symbol for something so small and easily damaged as a piece of paper. But then isn't the marriage relationship something powerful that could be easily damaged should one, or both, parties forget that they chose to share their lives? Some people need that type of symbol as a reminder more than any other.

There are a lot of, in my opinion, superfluous traditions surrounding the wedding act. The giving of an engagement ring harks back to the traditions of dowry and bride price. There are so many places in the world where dowry prevents people from getting married. I find it sad that there are some men and women who have put off marriage because they could not afford the "bride price." We should, instead of oohing and aahing over the engagement ring, celebrate the courage of a man asking a woman to be his wife and the generosity of a woman in responding that yes, she would allow him to be her husband. I am in awe of the men and women who have done this successfully. I do not know how they do this. I asked brother number 3 how he knew that he wanted to marry HER. He replied that she had this glow about her and that there was something about her that made him want to talk to her. So he went up to her and started a conversation. Everyone else I have asked the question, "How do you get married?" has answered in a similar way: 'There was just something about their spouse that made them want to talk to them. They had a glow. They smiled.' We should celebrate this as a culture. I think it would make the whole idea of dating and courtship much simpler. Because when you get down to the bare bones of marriage, it is simply one man and one woman choosing to support and love one another; what the rest of the world thinks of them, matters not at all.