Having witnessed--and been a victim of--the destruction pornography addiction can cause in a family first-hand, I join those others who have begged those they love to walk away, leave it alone, and seek help. Porn is not the right place or tool to gain your sexual education. It will not teach you how to have a satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship with someone you deeply love and have chosen to care about as their spouse. It destroys marriages, hurts children, destroys relationships, and ultimately, wreaks havoc with your own feelings of self-worth and identity. Please, if you are someone who is struggling with this pervasive disease, or know someone who is, seek help. Your spouses, children, siblings, parents and friends will thank you for it. They love you and want you to be the person they know you are capable of being.
If family is the thing that matters most to you, this talk, "Establishing A Christ-Centered Home" might be something that can help you put your foot on the path of recovery. I have too many friends who have watched their husbands struggle with porn addiction. They have pleaded, prayed, and done everything in their power to help the person they married and love above all else except God, only to be told they are not good enough and were never loved in the first place. They have watched their husbands turn into monsters who think it is okay to yell, scream obscenities, and treat them like play-things. After years of loving them and working hard to make their marriage a success, they have been told that they are no longer wanted and thrown away like trash on the side of the road. Their children are innocent victims of a horror they cannot comprehend and are traumatized because they do not understand why Daddy doesn't want them anymore.
Unfortunately, this isn't just a male problem anymore. Women are just as susceptible and guilty of destroying their families. It is less talked about but still there. There are husbands who can't understand their wives compulsion to read romance novels or erotica. It destroys trust in a marriage and your ability to have healthy relationships.
In getting off my soap box, I will give a few quotes for those who are seeking a healthy sexual education and relationship--which you can't find on the internet or the scrambled Playboy channel in the middle of the night.
"If you study divorces, as we had had to do in these past years, you will find there are [many] reasons. Generally, sex is the first; they didn't get along sexually. They may not say that in court. They may not even tell their attorneys, but that is the reason." ~Spencer W. Kimball, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1973-1985, (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 312.)
"Many marriages have been wrecked on the dangerous rocks of ignorant and debased sex behavior, both before and after marriage. Gross ignorance on the part of newlyweds on the subject of the proper place and functioning of sex results in much unhappiness and many broken homes. ... Some sound instruction in this area will help a man to realize the numberless, delicate differentiations and modifications in the life and reactions of the normal woman." ~Hugh B. Brown, (You and Your Marriage, p. 73-74)
There are also some really great books out there. These are just a few that I have read and would recommend.
There is also a wonderful talk out there called "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments" which explains the Mormon view of sexual intimacy and chastity. I highly recommend it.
And, please know, that in writing this it has not been my intention to offend or force my opinion on your life. If you choose to read this, and have gotten this far, you chose to read what I thought. While I appreciate any comments you may leave, nothing you say to me on this subject will change my opinion or beliefs. Personally, I have the hardest time trusting any man because of the choices men I have loved have made regarding the abuse of pornography and how it subsequently changed their behavior and actions towards me. It is the main reason I let few men hug me, cannot have a man stand behind me, and generally, shake like a leaf when I am in the presence of most men. It is one of the main reasons I have never been able to reach the level of intimacy required to have a boyfriend or get married.
The men I do love and trust implicitly have no clue how special they are to me simply because I feel safe in their presence. I know that those men would never give me a black eye, attempt to break my arm, discuss inappropriate things with me, verbally sexually abuse me, or make me feel uncomfortable in any way to be in their presence. I am so grateful for their example and how it has helped me to heal. I don't even have the words to express how much I love them for this and the choices they have made in their lives.
Amendment:
I realized I forgot to mention the joy and peace that come into people's lives when they do choose to walk away and leave it alone. The power of the Atonement removes those burdens you carry and gives you the ability to forgive. It's amazing to me how many people don't realize that the gift of forgiveness, much like the gift of charity, is something you have to ask for. We, as imperfect beings, are not able to perfectly forgive without the assistance and mercy of a loving Heavenly Father. When we are given that gift, the burdens are lifted and joy, peace, and happiness rush in to mend all the broken places. I'm actually doing a lot better than I used to be. Now, just need to figure out this whole relationship thing....Anyone know a really, really, patient single male who follows the counsel of the Prophet, has a job, and works hard? He would need to be willing to wash the dishes and put up with the fact that I have moments of insanity.
Amendment:
I realized I forgot to mention the joy and peace that come into people's lives when they do choose to walk away and leave it alone. The power of the Atonement removes those burdens you carry and gives you the ability to forgive. It's amazing to me how many people don't realize that the gift of forgiveness, much like the gift of charity, is something you have to ask for. We, as imperfect beings, are not able to perfectly forgive without the assistance and mercy of a loving Heavenly Father. When we are given that gift, the burdens are lifted and joy, peace, and happiness rush in to mend all the broken places. I'm actually doing a lot better than I used to be. Now, just need to figure out this whole relationship thing....Anyone know a really, really, patient single male who follows the counsel of the Prophet, has a job, and works hard? He would need to be willing to wash the dishes and put up with the fact that I have moments of insanity.
http://www.mormontimes.com/article/20806/Pornography-hurts-relationships-employment-and-well-being
ReplyDelete