Accepting Responsibility

I am working on the difficult task of forgiving. It is NOT easy. In the past few months, I have been tormented by the thoughts that the situation which led to the actions of others was entirely my fault. But I cannot see where the error occurred because I am too close to the situation and have limited information of all that actually did occur. It has broken me into little pieces and I am trying to put them back together.

I remember teaching Lesson 9 out of the New Testament Gospel Doctrine Manual earlier this year and being impressed by this story. If I can discover where I erred, where I may have caused offense to another, and take responsibility for that action, then--I'm hoping--forgiving their actions might be less difficult. If I refuse to repent of the wrong I've done, then how awful am I to pass judgement on what they did and deny them forgiveness?

It's also a tiny bit selfish, too. If I can't discover the flaw in my character, how can I correct it and do better? I have no desire to repeat mistakes over and over and continuously experience what I have felt for the past 5 months again and again. I am far from perfect but I would like to hope that I am capable of adapting and changing when I fall short of treating others as Christ would.

Joseph Smith taught one sister to look for the beam in her own eye when dealing with a personal offense:

A woman went to the Prophet Joseph Smith upset about some things another member of the Church had said about her. The Prophet told her that if what the man had said was untrue, she should ignore the matter, because truth would survive but untruths would not. The woman felt the comments were untrue, but she was not satisfied with ignoring the matter. The Prophet then told his way of handling such comments:

“When an enemy had told a scandalous story about him, which had often been done, before he rendered judgment he paused and let his mind run back to the time and place and setting of the story to see if he had not by some unguarded word or act laid the block on which the story was built. If he found that he had done so, he said that in his heart he then forgave his enemy, and felt thankful that he had received warning of a weakness that he had not known he possessed.”

The Prophet told the sister that she should think carefully about whether she had unconsciously given the man any reason to say the things he did. After much thought, she decided she had, and she thanked the Prophet and left. (See Jesse W. Crosby, quoted in Hyrum L. Andrus and Helen Mae Andrus, comps., They Knew the Prophet [1974], 144.)