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One of my friends--someone I’ve known and stayed in contact with for almost 10 years--encouraged me to create a vision board of what I want in a friend. She and I talked on the phone the other night because I really needed someone to talk to who would listen and understand what I was trying to say without judging or trying to fix me. I had something happen recently that was the last straw in a bundle of things that just pushed  hurts too deep. So, she suggested that I make a list of things I want in a friend to put out there in the universe. 

Here’s my list and I’m putting it out there in the universe and for you, the reader, to see because in the event that you know someone like I’m describing, it would be quicker to find that person....maybe.

• Understanding & flexible about the fact that I work odd hours and go to school.

This is the equivalent of 2 full-time jobs. I work off-hours because it pays more money. I’m the only one who takes care of me. In order to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, I have to make the money that pays for the basic necessities of life. When I invite someone to spend time with me 6 weeks in advance, it is NOT because I’m OCD or controlling; I actually need that much time to plan my schedule and guarantee that I’m available.

• Enjoys doing outdoors stuff--hiking, camping, kayaking, mountain climbing, etc.

These are things I enjoy doing but have discovered--much to my disappointment--that my female friends who are married end up pregnant when we make plans to go do these types of things. I was thinking about stuff I want to do next year and who to invite to do it with me and realized I was making a list of who was most likely to be pregnant next year. 

• Is a fan of the arts.

I enjoy going to the Symphony, Opera, Broadway shows, Ballet, rock concerts, etc. In the past two years, I have done all of this alone and, while I don’t mind going alone, I have discovered that I am becoming a hermit who would rather go alone than deal with the crap involved with inviting anyone to accompany me. Therefore, I need someone who is excited about attending and returns invitations to attend promptly so that I don’t always have to do all the work.

• Actually wants to spend time with me and shows it by spending time with me one-on-one.

There’s too much hurt involved in this one for me to expound.

• Says “Thank you!”

• Asks me what I’m thinking and feeling because they’re interested instead of telling me what I think and feel.

• Wants a friend who is a real-life person not the emotional/intellectual equivalent of a blow-up doll.

Life is messy. Having friends requires work and effort. Nothing in life is easy or served to you on a silver platter. If you want me to care about you, you need to care about me.

• Calls me on the phone to talk to me simply because they want to hear my voice, tone, have human contact, hear what I think, have an adult conversation, etc.

(There’s a blogpost coming that explains this one and my reasons for deactivating my Facebook account.)

• Most importantly, someone who doesn’t name themselves prosecutor, jury, and judge and renders a verdict without once asking to hear my side of the story or giving me an opportunity to speak for the defense.

• Someone who is kind and patient.

• Enjoys going to the movies.

• Lives the gospel of Jesus Christ.

• Likes to travel on the cheap.

• Wants to spend time with me and invites me to do things.

• Someone who can understand that I don’t know how to be irresponsible and need someone to be Calgon and take me away.

• Someone who won’t engage in gossip about me or discuss me behind my back with strangers.

• Wants to be my friend whether 6 miles away or 16,000.

• Thinks that I’m unique & irreplaceable and won’t ditch me because they see something shinier or new.

• Won’t ever tell me that they were friends with me because of a self-inflicted sense of obligation or pity.

• Thinks I’m interesting and treats me with the respect all human beings deserve.

• Likes to read and is willing to discuss and share books.

• Doesn’t think I’m immature because I love LEGO’s, Star Wars, comic books, etc.

• Reminds me that I am worth the effort....everyday.

• Lives within 100 miles of Houston, Texas.

Some of you who read this on a regular basis are my oldest and closest friends. You know me better than most people simply because you have lived with me or been around me enough in person to know the real ME. I’m so hurt right now about this subject that if you can think of any other qualities I should be looking for but have overlooked, I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and input. 

(Or I could just get a goldfish.)