Friendship

What exactly is friendship? We call people our friends, we introduce our friends, we have lists of friends on Facebook, etc. But what does it actually mean anymore? It's as if the word has almost no meaning. People who know your name say oh, that's my friend but can't tell you your favorite color or whether you prefer cake or pie or know how many siblings you have or how many languages you speak.

Is friendship necessary? When does it become unnecessary? Where is the line between using someone and friendship? Is another person's company worth our time? When is it okay to drop people and quit making the effort? Are we just too lazy to care about anyone but ourselves? Do we wish that we could do something, knowing that it is an empty sentence devoid of actual action?

I wonder these things because of certain events in my life the past year. I was told that my friendship was unnecessary after a certain person met new people. Once the new friendships were made I was no longer of use to alleviate the ennui and loneliness this person experienced day-after-day for the year that we communicated on a daily basis. Those words made me feel cheap and used, much like a prostitute. My friendship was good enough until something better came along and then I was thrown away because I no longer was of use and had lost my value. This person was not shy about frankly explaining that to me either. Nor does it make me feel particularly good about myself to realize how easily I was misled into believing someone wanted my friendship and that I was so trusting.

So what is friendship? Is it a convenient social institution to alleviate boredom? Is it only necessary until you marry and have children? From what I've experienced, the majority of my married friends no longer make the time to email or call because they are too busy with their spouse and children. And, as I've sadly learned via an experiment over the past 6 months, there are some friends who never initiate contact, leaving me feeling forgettable and wondering if my friendship was ever wanted or merely tolerated out of a sense of pity.

My best friend is more like my sister. In fact, to a certain degree, she is closer to me than 99% of my actual family. Like my sister and I do, she and I talk to each other almost every day and have done so for the past 10 years. Another friend has taken the time to write and Skype with me even though she has a husband and 2 children under the age of 2 and should be napping instead of talking to me. Another sends me random emails about articles she has read or music she has heard because it made her think of me and she wanted to share. On the other hand, I have friends I have known much longer who no longer communicate with me because they don't have the time. Isn't time what you make of it? I've also noticed that people who were once very close friends are almost embarrassed to acknowledge that they know me in public.

When I moved to Houston, I was introduced to someone who, when they found out where I had moved from, remarked that they were surprised I was from there because they had been informed that there was no one worth knowing living there. The people who had told her this were persons I had been to the movies with the weekend before. Apparently I was worth attending a film with but not worth knowing.

First of all, I was shocked that someone thought it was okay to make that statement. And, secondly, why disparage an entire geographic area? Are people truly that arrogant and condescending? Do we automatically discount the value of unknown human beings based on rumor and gossip?

So, again, what is friendship and why do we have friends? What's the point? When the excrement hits the fan and the bottom drops out of your life, will those people be around to help you? Or will they choose to ignore the fact that they know you because you are no longer able to serve in the capacity that they have assigned you? Are people tools and toys to be used and discarded or are they potential family members to be trusted and cherished? Where is the line? What defines acceptable behavior and treatment? Why do we think that we are truly friends with someone we have communication with once a year via Christmas card exchanges? Why is the English language so limiting in expressing subtleties of relationships?