A few years ago, I was sitting in an Anthropology class and we got to talking about how men give women flowers. I don't remember how we got on the subject, but our professor told us that not a week had gone by in his 30+ years of marriage that he hadn't brought his wife flowers.
Being a class full of anthropology students, we began talking about the symbolism behind this gesture. We talked about how a man had to take time to pick out the flowers, pay for them and then actually deliver them. Our professor pointed out that this was an example of how men and women communicate differently: men are more comfortable doing something to express their feelings whereas women like to talk.
Many of the women talked about how getting flowers really showed that a guy cared about them. Some of the men talked about how special their wives/girlfriends felt when they brought them flowers. They talked about how it showed real, honest affection between a man and a woman.
Then, I raised my hand.
"Why do y'all think that giving/receiving something that is dead is a wonderful token of undying affection? You had to kill the flowers and then they sit on a counter or table dying in your house. How does that show someone that you love them? I think it's a waste of money."
Everyone turned around to look at the crazy woman who dared to express such a bizarre opinion. Shocked silence and disbelieving stares were directed my way. My professor broke the tension by declaring that I was a very pragmatic woman and any man would be lucky to have me. I took that as a compliment and smiled.
Later that night I was telling a friend about what had happened in class. He was surprised by my opinion about receiving flowers. He wanted to know what I would like to receive instead--I didn't have an answer. But I think I do now:
Anyone who is in a position to give me tokens of affection would know me well enough to know what I would like to get in lieu of flowers.
Does no one else think that it is odd to say "I love you" by giving someone something that's dead? Don't get me wrong, the two times I have been given flowers, it felt good. But the feeling had more to do with the card that accompanied the flowers than the flowers themselves. There are so many interesting aspects of Western social/relationship practices that baffle me.
Hmmmm.... how about potted flowers? They are still alive. Or maybe a puppy... well, I suppose the puppy would only work once or twice. That's not something you could give every week of your 30+ years of marriage... I told Cameron that instead of proposing with a ring he could do it with a piano. But I suppose with all of the moving around we did, that wouldn't have been such a good idea after all.
ReplyDeleteRemember how my hubby is supposed to propose to me with a puppy Melody?
ReplyDeleteI can see your side, Emily. I used to be the same way, but now I really enjoy them. Though I would enjoy chocolate too. A lot. Are you a chocolate lover? How about a bug? That's alive :)
Do you know what I love getting more than anything else as a present? Think about it for a second--it will come to you. I would NOT like a bug...or a mouse...or a rat...or any other rodent-like crawly thing.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, getting a puppy instead of a ring shows some real desire to commit! I love it!
Melody, my only criteria for being well-off financially is being able to afford a piano and keep it tuned. But you have moved WAY too much for that to have been feasible, what, 5 years ago in October? Has it really been that long?
Ahaha, I'm sorry, but thought just came to me. One time I was with Robert and he made me listen to his music and I enjoyed it, he told me he loved me. In a very "I love you like a sister" kind of way.
ReplyDeleteBut that has nothing to do with your blog. Haha, I gave you my thoughts. Hey you asked for them. I give what comes to mind.
Letters, postcards, notes, things you can read over & over.
ReplyDelete