Why can't we be ourselves all the time? Is there a reason we must put on a public facade for the general masses? If someone doesn't like who we are in general, that's okay. Not everyone was meant to be friends with everyone else. That's why there are these things called personality clashes. But if we were the same person in private as we are in public wouldn't that make life simpler for all involved?
Case Study 1:
Subject A will talk to Subject B when they have been alone but A ignores B in a public setting. Is A ashamed to be seen with B? Does A wish B would go away and not bother A? Does A have privacy issues and not want others in social setting to witness conversations with B? Should B stop talking to A because B feels like an embarrassment to A because of A's behavior? What does A's private v. public persona say about A and B? B is very confused by A.
A few days ago, I attended a musical fireside a 90 minute drive, one way, from where I live. In between musical numbers, there was an intermediate hymn and we ended the evening with a closing hymn and prayer. (Sidenote: I have been singing for 20 years and had several years of vocal training but dislike singing by myself in public. I literally shake and have to do calming exercises when I finish.) The congregational hymns were a few of my favorite. The organist was fabulous and since the chapel was full to capacity I felt comfortable enough to really sing. It was fun!
After the closing prayer, a man I didn't know who had sat next to me turned to me and told me how beautiful he thought my voice was. He wanted to know why I hadn't performed during the fireside. I was taken aback but thanked him for the compliment. He then introduced himself to me and wanted to know my name--I told him. He asked where I was from and other questions. I think if a friend, whom I hadn't seen in 5 years, hadn't walked by this man might have talked to me for a longer period of time.
It was an odd experience for me. Men I don't know do not, as a rule, strike up conversations with me. But it felt good! There has been one other time in my life when a man sat down next to me during a church meeting and, when we finished singing the hymn, told me how beautiful my voice was and that he felt privileged to have walked in late so he could sit by me and hear me sing.
Shouldn't everything in life be that simple? You hear something beautiful and compliment the person who created the noise. You see someone who looks particularly nice and tell them. You see a friend in the hallway and ask them how their day has been. You see a person and realize that you could be the one person who sees them as a person that day and because you choose to talk to them, you can make their day. You pass a stranger in the grocery store and smile. Friendships don't have to be difficult and who we are in public shouldn't differ from who we are, or how we treat others, in private.
For further reading:
Elder David A Bednar gave an amazing talk in LDS General Conference October 2009. He pointed out how families treat one another, but I think we can apply it to all social situations
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