Why Is Talking A Life Requirement?

So, I am not a fan of talking to people. I have friends. I can prove it, too, because at least one of them reads this blog. (hi melody!) But the other day, as I was pondering why certain people do, and do not, talk to me, it occurred to me that I have these special friends of mine for 2 reasons.

Reason the First:

They came up and talked to me. I will talk to people if they ask me a question. 'Hi!' is not a question. In fact, sound-wise, it is 'yes' in Japanese. Why this is a standard form of greeting, I do not know. 'Hello' is also not a question, unless you say it with an interrogative inflection. So just saying hello to me doesn't make me want to talk to you. Although I do enjoy a good 'Hello!' because it means you saw me and acknowledge that I exist. It is nice to be reminded that one exists. But the people who come up and talk to me are very few. In fact, I believe that there are only 3 people in my life whom I call 'friend' who have done this. They are very brave because I have been told I'm a bit scary.

Reason the Last:

The majority of my friends are my friends because we were forced by circumstance to either be roommates or dorm-mates. When you share a bathroom or a fridge, you are forced to interact and communicate with people. Because those 6 dozen eggs in the fridge HAVE to belong to someone, even when no one acknowledges that they bought them. And if your milk mysteriously disappears the day after you bought it, and you only had a bowl of cereal, somebody drank it. And that necessitates a conversation because milk is expensive and thus a precious commodity. Although, most of the roomies who I am the closest to lived with me for more than a year. It took one roommate that long to realize I actually knew how to cook. But who can blame me? She is from Hong Kong and made home-made Thai and Chinese food ALL the time! I already knew how to make what I know how to cook, but I didn't know how to make what she knew how to cook. This led to me being dubbed "Many Hands" in Cantonese because when I asked if I could "see" something, I had to touch it, stir it, or open the oven and look at it. I look with my hands but that is how I learn. I have to watch someone else do it and then do it myself. Pictures help!

What this all boils down to is the fact that I feel socially inept! I don't know how to make friends anymore! I can't go up to someone and say, "Hello, how was your day?" What if they tell me a long story or say, "Hi, it was good." What do you say after that? If I was more confident that most people wouldn't look at me like I was a freak, I could say, "Did you ever see The History of Paint on The History Channel a few years ago? It was quite fascinating to learn that the progression of the chemical formulae in paint is what led to the Stealth Bomber being undetectable by SONAR."

Most of the time I say things like that and people's eyes have crossed. Apparently, no one else I know reads anthropological treatises on Genghis Khan or Patterns of Japanese Culture for fun. And does anyone else out there find it fascinating that the Appalachian Trail takes 6 months to hike from end to end? You could hike a month at a time for 6 years or 2 weeks at a time for 12 years. That is 6-12 years of vacations planned at once! And what an amazing goal to accomplish!!!

In the interest of self-preservation, and a healthy sense of self-worth, I have learned to keep my mouth shut around people. This has led to fascinating hours of observation but has NOT been helpful in my desire to develop friendships in new places. My conversation skills have sadly become all but non-existent. There are even times I think I have imagined someone said 'Hi' to me, but I think that was my desperate brain trying to interact with other humans. Because when I said 'Hello' back, it went unacknowledged. I have even tried to be non-verbally open in my posture when standing in a crowd of people. But I dislike this, as it seems to attract those people with whom I have no desire to talk. And those people seem to scare away the ones with whom I do want to converse.

The other thing I have issue with about talking is why it must take so long to get to the good stuff. I do not care about discussing the weather. Why do people talk about it anyway? Wait 5 minutes and it will change. And if you want to know what it's like outside, go outside. There is no need for a discussion. If I ask you a question, I sincerely want to hear your response. Why would I open up a can of worms that could possibly waste my time, and yours, for you to blow me off or not answer?

I also happen to be a very private person and dislike talking about things that matter to me in public forums. This leads to the potential risk of being made fun of for the things you enjoy doing, researching, exploring and causes the sense of self-worth to slowly whither and die. One can only be told they are a "Book of Useless Knowledge" so many times before they refuse to speak around the one calling them that. (A scripture about pearls and swine comes to mind...)

I am not a boring person but sometimes I really feel like it because no one is interested in me enough to make the effort to actually talk to me. Or maybe the whole situation is my own fault because I never learned how to have a 'normal' conversation. I used to not be this way. But somewhere in the past 5 years, someone broke me. Where's the duct tape?