Um, So Yeah

The past two weeks have been relaxing, rejuvenating, and enlightening. I have had some interesting experiences that have opened my eyes to things I want, and don't want, in my life. And I got to spend these wonderful weeks with my best friend--which was a huge blessing.

First of all, I went to Arkansas to canoe down the Buffalo River. It is the only river in the United States that is a National Park. It was fantastic! We camped, ate, and slept and woke with the sun. It was heavenly for me! No electronics of any kind for 2 whole days. 48 hours where I didn't feel pressured to answer the phone or check my email.

Totally stress-free living. There were some mishaps and other things that could be called problems, but those things are just part of life. I came home from this vacation and my internal clock had been re-set. I felt so much better in every aspect of my life. Work was bearable again and the people around me could be tolerated.

Then I got to play tourist in the town I live in. It was so much fun! There are so many things to do in this part of the world that I hadn't realized before this past week. And I got to do them with someone who knows me and allows me to be ME. I didn't feel the need to apologize for liking the things I like.

BUT, there were two things that happened that made me realize what I absolutely do NOT want in my life. One was a game night at someones house. The other happened driving home from the airport, alone.

At this particular game night, some people continuously made off-color comments that I did not appreciate very much. One would think that intelligent human beings could play an interesting game without making crass remarks and constant sexual innuendos. One would also think that if one consistently asked those people to stop and watch their language, they would be respectful of one's desire to not hear such things. But apparently, one would be wrong. I was angry by the time I left and had made some decisions about the type of people I want to associate with in my life.

After dropping my best friend off at the airport, I cried most of the way home. Not because I was necessarily upset that she was leaving-we talk to each other every day-but because I knew that I was driving back to a place where I have lived for a year and haven't made one close friend. I have many acquaintances but no one I can call and say, "Hey let's go to such-and-such and play." I miss being able to just be myself and have that be enough.

I have decided that in my daily interactions with others that I will just be me. If they don't like it, too bad. I have been pushed a bit too far lately by others who seem to think that I am such a nice person that I will tolerate their rude and inconsiderate behavior. NO MORE! Time is too short and precious for me to waste it on those who don't care about me. I will talk to people who actually want to get to know me. I will attend activities that are planned and follow the plan. I will not be pushed around by people who have lowered their standards for whatever reason.

"I am mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore."