How Do I Trust Thee?

Truman G. Madsen pointed out in his book, "Four Essays on Love," that loving and being loved is a paradox. In that, in order to be able to love someone else we must first be shown how to love. But, he also points out, we are not able to allow others to love us until we love someone else. George McDonald pointed out that "it is by loving and not by being loved that one can come nearest to the soul of another." I have begun to wonder if the same application could be used with the concept of trust. 


Are we truly able to trust only if someone first shows us how? Are we only able to truly trust ourselves when we trust someone else? Is this why many have issues with a healthy sense of self-worth, they were never shown how to trust themselves because their trust in others was misplaced?


I have been pondering this in the past few days because I have been focusing on what I know. I know that the Plan of Salvation is real. I know that the Atonement was performed on my behalf as well as on behalf of everyone who has lived or will live. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and, because He is omniscient, has a better, clearer understanding of events in my life than I do. But do I know if I truly trust Him to help me carry my burdens?


I have discovered that the answer to that last question is: I don't know. It has been a scary realization. How can I not know if I trust my Father in Heaven with my burdens, trials, sorrows, heartaches, joys, triumphs, etc? So I do what I always do when I don't know something--I research.


Definitions from The New Oxford American Dictionary


Faith: Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.


Trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or
           something.


Confidence: The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; 
                      the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.


Expectation: A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the
                      future; a belief that someone will or should achieve something.


President Spencer W. Kimball pointed out that, "Sometimes the solution is not to change our circumstance, but to change our attitude about that circumstance and its difficulties so that we see more clearly..." (The Abundant Life, 1979)


I am having issues with the concept of trust. I think I have lost confidence and the desire to expect certain things from my Father in Heaven. Because of this I am finding it difficult to trust Him with things in my life. So I have decided to experiment with the idea that in exercising trust I learn how to trust. If President Kimball was right, and I believe he was, then the solution to my dilemma is in changing my attitude about my circumstances and expecting Heavenly Father to do His part if I do mine. 


In Proverbs 3:5-6, we are told "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
I also realized that prior to being able to trust, one must humble themselves before the LORD. This is not an easy thing. One must acknowledge that someone else can make their life better by doing exactly what one is told to do. It feels a bit wrong. Aren't we supposed to make our own choices and decisions and live with the consequences? How does one turn their life over to Heavenly Father and say:


"This is what I have done so far. You can see there have been some mistakes. I am tired and need help but don't know how to trust that you will do what you say you will do and that my life will be better because I do what you say I should do. I am willing to try but I can guarantee this is going to be a bit of a power struggle."


We shall see how this experiment goes....