Gift Giving Rituals

Unless I am in the same domicile as the people I am giving gifts to, the gifts are never given on the appropriate date. I don't know why this is; it has just evolved that way in my life. I haven't celebrated major holidays or birthdays with my family in 4 years, so their gifts for these occasions show up on their doorsteps when I remember to mail them--if I remember to buy them. With the exception of my sister--her's is always a deliberate purchase so that there can be pre-meditated torture. Why? Because it's fun for ME.

I shall explain.

She is the youngest in our family and the only one who would hunt for her Christmas/Birthday presents prior to the actual date. In our family, we do not open gifts on Christmas Eve or first thing in the morning Christmas Day. On birthdays, if we remembered to get each other presents, they're exchanged at dinner. This was never questioned or challenged until SHE came along. One Christmas she opened ALL the Christmas presents under the tree, not just hers, re-wrapped them, and told everyone what they were getting for Christmas. (And people think I'm impatient and ask tons of questions. If you think I'm bad, MJT would drive you insane.)

Somehow, through no verbal agreements or discussion, the rest of the members in my family (mainly just me) all tell each other what we got her and then taunt her about the fact that we know what she's getting. It's SO much FUN!! She tries everything she can think of to trick you into telling her what you got her for Christmas. She thinks playing 2000 Questions will wear us down enough that we will slip up and reveal in advance what her present is.

This year has been particularly fun for me because I still haven't given her Christmas present to her. (Insert evil, maniacal laugh!) She knows that 1/3 of it is sitting in my dining room in the packaging it arrived in, that I'm having tons of fun playing with it, and that it was purchased in Tokyo specifically FOR her. And she knows that I have had it in my possession since 3 days before Christmas...almost 3 months ago! She also knows that another 1/3 of her present has been in my possession since the 3rd week of January. (Did I mention I started the taunting around Thanksgiving?)

A few weeks ago, she and I were talking on the phone and she announced that she didn't even care anymore what it is. She said, "You can keep it. I don't care." Such a drama queen! I said, "Well, if you don't care, I will happily keep it. You're sure you don't want to know what it is that you're giving up?" At this point the taunting has to change. She said she didn't care and changed the subject. We talked for about 15 minutes about the latest episode of Bones or Castle and then she yells, "I can't stand it. TELL ME!!!!! I NEED to KNOW!!" The conversation then proceeded to go like this:

Me: "Are you sure you want to know? 'Cause once you know you'll just be that much more anxious to get it. I'm probably not going to be able to get it to you before your birthday."

MJT: "Yes, tell me. I'm dying to know. EVERYONE else KNOWS!"

Me: "Well, then this is what you're getting."

MJT: "THAT IS SO AWESOME!! OH MY GOSH!! I LOVE YOU!! I NEED TO WRITE A THANK YOU CARD TO SOMEONE!! I can't sit still! This is the best present EVER in the history of my life!!!!"

Me: (laughing) "I'm so glad you're excited about what was chosen for you. Calm down please, you're yelling in my ear."

The next day I got a phone call.

MJT: "I hate you! Why did you tell me?!"

Me: "You've been bugging me for almost 4 months. I asked you if you really wanted to know what it is and you said yes. Why are you mad at me?" (Evil laughing inside my head. I'm not perfect--don't judge. I give her presents all the time; it's just the special occasion gifts I taunt about because they're expected gifts.)

MJT: "It's no fair! That's the best present EVER and it's not in my possession. You're playing with it and will have learned more Kanji characters and Japanese than me. You're so rude!"

Me: "You know my policy about point-blank questions. You ask and I ask if you REALLY want to know the answer. If you do, I tell you the answer. You said you really wanted to know, so I told you."

MJT: "Hmph! You're still rude and I want my present soonest. As in, you should mail it to me tomorrow."

It's sitting in my dining room in it's original package. A little evil? Perhaps. But no one ever said I had a normal sense of humor. In fact, my best friend says that I have a twisted sense of the ridiculous.

Now what to do this Christmas..... Gift giving is so much fun when it's to the right person. The really funny thing is that she tries to keep what she gets me a secret every year and every year I guess what it is correctly. I'm sure there is some specific anthropological reason for why this ritual is significant in the sub-culture of family life and has something to do with the fact that I am the oldest, she is the youngest and we are the only girls. But who cares? I am amused. When it ceases to be fun for me, it will probably stop.