I had to get off the phone with him at this point. I was so happy for him and her but had to recognize that my relationship with him was about to change. It wouldn't be like other guy friends who have gotten married because she is my friend, too, and is in no way threatened by my relationship with him. But, the two of them are moving forward in life in a way I can't follow at the moment.
I kept it together fairly well until the next day about 3:30 PM (CDT). Elder Richard G. Scott stood at the pulpit in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City, UT, and declared:
"I feel sorry for any man who hasn't yet made the choice to seek an eternal companion, and my heart weeps for the sisters who haven't had the opportunity to marry. Some of you may feel lonely and unappreciated and cannot see how it will be possible for you to have the blessings of marriage and children or your own family. All things are possible to the Lord, and He keeps the promises He inspires His prophets to declare. Eternity is a long time. Have faith in those promises and live to be worthy of them so that in His time the Lord can make them come true in your life. With certainty, you will receive every promised blessing for which you are worthy."
I don't talk about certain things, mainly because I choose to not think about them. But when Elder Scott stood there and said, "I feel sorry for any man who hasn't yet made the choice to seek an eternal companion, and my heart weeps for the sisters who haven't had the opportunity to marry." I lost it a little bit--mostly because there is personal pain that I choose to bury. It felt like, finally, there is someone who gets it and is talking about it in public.
There is also a deep sense of sadness that accompanies this for those wonderful men who I know and love who have made the choice, for whatever reason, to not seek a spouse yet. It breaks my heart that they choose to vacation alone, eat dinner alone, basically walk through life alone when they could be sharing those experiences with someone else. There could be someone else sharing these experiences and witnessing your life with all its joys and sorrows, blessings and trials. Please, don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that they should all want to marry me--I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and have been single for so long that at this point blending my life with someone else's could be a nightmare--but why would you choose to remain alone?
It is lonely and the older you get the more your friends and family have moved on to have experiences that you don't get to have. Questions start to crop up that you never thought you would have to think of. Such as: Who will take care of me in my old age? Who will make the funeral arrangements should all my siblings die before me? What if I choke on a piece of cheese? Would anyone notice that I was dead or would it be the mailman who calls the police about a suspicious odor? How many days would I be decomposing for the smell to even get to the mailbox? Et cetera.
I have never had the opportunity to marry because no one has ever expressed a romantic interest in me. There have only been 4 men since I was 16 who have even had the courage to ask me out on a date. Due to this experience, or lack of experiences, I have accepted the fact that certain blessings will probably not be mine until much later. But I believe firmly that those blessings will eventually be mine because they have been promised to me over and over. Elder Scott is right; Eternity is a long time. And I get to choose to be happy and enjoy the life that I am living now without mourning something I have never had.
But there are days when I want to scream at Heaven:
"How is it done? Because I don't understand."
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