Roller Coasters

I love roller coasters. It's probably because of the tiny adrenaline junkie that lives inside of me--she wants to jump out of airplanes, climb via ferrate, and swim with sharks. But there is one type of roller coaster I have come to sincerely not enjoy so much: the family roller coaster. It is amazing to me how your family can bring you the greatest joys and the deepest pains and sorrows all at the same time. You can be up on the apex of an arc and then, within seconds, dropped to the bottom of the following arc. But it happens because they are the people who know you best. They have deep knowledge of what makes you laugh and exactly how to cut you to draw arterial blood.

It all comes because of the choices other people make. Those choices either cause you to rejoice and make you want to sing with happiness or send you to your knees, doubled over, weeping in grief and pain. Whether in joy or sorrow, though, family forces you to your knees, talking with Heavenly Father in prayer. Sometimes those prayers are ones of gratitude and joy for the blessings He has bestowed on us. But, sometimes those prayers are ones for hearts to be softened and for understanding and the strength to endure the hurts. One brother is causing our hearts to overflow with joy because of his choices; another brother is ripping our hearts to shreds, causing pain and anguish.

This past Sunday, Rosemary Wixom, the Primary General President, spoke at the Church Educational System Fireside for Young Adults. She spoke things that I needed to hear. The title of her talk is "Coming To Know." She talked about things we need to do and things we have to give up in order to come to know God so that we can have a fullness of joy.

Sometimes we have to make hard decisions in order to draw closer to God in order to fill our reservoirs so that we can have the strength to endure a little longer. And sometimes the only things we can do are the basics: reading the scriptures daily, counseling with Heavenly Father in prayer, getting out of bed, showering, going to work, going to bed and waking up to start all over again. Eventually the times of joy make the wounds a little easier to bear and soon the scars will fade. But, right now, they are fresh, raw, and bleeding.

Brother Number 1 informed me recently, when discussing some decisions I was contemplating, that there are times we each need to be a little selfish. These are times to find out for ourselves what Heavenly Father wants us to be and do. No one else can help you with this knowledge. Sometimes He does send friends to hold you while you weep, but usually He asks that you turn to Him and share your tears with Him alone. He desires us to share our joy and sorrows with Him because he is our Father. I think the biggest shock of our lives will be the day we see Him again and remember that we once called Him "Daddy."