Transitions

In May, I decided to move my church membership records from the Young Single Adult branch I had been attending to the family ward. It has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. For the first time in a really long time, I have had to force myself to go to church because the desire to attend has been absent. When you turn 31, you are no longer considered a Young Single Adult; they drop the "Young" part off the title and lump you in with the rest of the Single Adults who are 31-dead. That's a lot of years to put in one room.

There are a lot of things that single people don't talk about. The loneliness; the questions people ask; the constant self-doubt; going unnoticed; feeling unwanted, unnoticed, and unappreciated. And then you almost dread being noticed because then people ask questions like, "So when did you and your husband move here?" "What does your husband do for a living?" "What ages are your children?" When you answer that you don't have a husband or children, the awkwardness descends like a London Fog--so thick you could cut through it with a knife. Oops! Didn't mean for my lack of spouse to make you so uncomfortable. By the way, it's not a disease and you can't catch it from me.

I have had such a hard time with this particular move that I had to ask my Bishop to give me a calling. Practically begged for one and I have never had to do that before in my life. Because, you see, the main thing I feel right now is redundant. There are other people with more experience, better support systems, greater intelligence, etc., than me who are already working to do things. When you're single you have to force yourself to serve others and that can be hard to accomplish when you have to do it all, all by yourself. And sometimes the loneliness of that is overwhelming. Your comfort zone is almost non-existant outside the four walls of your residence.

And at the same time, I want to jump up and down and say, "Look at what I've accomplished in my life. I wasn't hatched here. I have things to offer. Aren't you interested? Don't you care??" It's a horrible dichotomy. The Introvert that I am is thrilled that I go unnoticed and don't have to play nice with the other children. While the part of me that needs to feel important and needed to at least one person is slowly suffocating.

I ran across this quote today in a talk given specifically To Single Adults by Gordon B. Hinckley.

"Permit me now to say a word to those who have never had the opportunity to be married. I assure you that we are sensitive to the loneliness that many of you feel. Loneliness is a bitter and painful thing. I suppose all people have felt it at one time or another. Our hearts reach out to you with understanding and love. We do not pity you, for you do not want pity. You want opportunity and challenge and appreciation."

I agree with this entire statement. It hurts to be alone. But I have no desire for your pity. I want friendship, opportunities to serve, challenges that force me to grow, and someone to see and acknowledge what I've done and show appreciation for it. It's not a lot to ask but maybe too much to expect. Look around you. I'm sure you know older single people who, through no fault of their own and reasons they do not understand, do not have a spouse or family. We're still valuable members of society. Most of us are not weirdos. We've just never had the opportunity that was given to you when someone wanted to spend eternity with you. That's the only difference between you and I--someone wanted you enough to take the ultimate risk.