"Dating With A Purpose"

In any type of relationship, it's important to spend quality time with those you care about or could potentially care about. I don't actually like dating and recently realized that one of the reasons I'm still single is probably because I don't really want to get married.* (In fact, the last time a guy asked me out on a date without being coerced into it was March 2004. That's a funny story for later.) But, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy spending quality time with my friends and family and doing neat things.

Someone posted the link to this article by Orson Scott Card called "Dating With A Purpose." Reading it reminded me of when I lived in Provo and had no car. I would get on the bus with my empty backpack and head up to Wal-Mart in Orem. Because I had no car, I didn't know where any other grocery stores were and I'm a bit of a grocery store snob. If the store looks dirty I won't shop there.

In 2003, I met a wonderful guy who became a really great friend. Dustin and I lived a block from each other and we would occasionally go grocery shopping together. We would walk the 3 miles to Smith's and back, talking about whatever. We got to know each other on those walks and in our grocery shopping purchases. One time, we went really late on a Saturday night because he had forgotten he needed to buy French bread for the Sunday dinner. I had shown up at the apartment after his roommates had gone to bed. They didn't know I was there and when one of them offered to drive Dustin, he looked at me, smiled, and called back that he preferred to walk. That walk was the first time I talked to anyone other than my parents about what I dreamed of doing when I finished school. I still remember what he said to me and it gives me a boost when I feel like giving up.

Personally, I think too much emphasis is placed on romancing someone when dating or getting to know someone. I believe physical attraction is very important and that you need to court them but, if you want to be with your spouse for eternity, they also need to be your friend. You get to be closer as friends as you learn about them, how they treat others, what they like to snack on, how they budget their time and money, etc. I think there's a lot of shock later in life if all you've seen is the person trying to impress you, to win you as if you were a prize to be won and shown off later. The best dating advice I was ever given was to ask someone to do service with you. You find out a lot about a person when they're serving others or not serving others as the case may be. Or if they simply offer to help you with whatever task you have that is preventing you from going out to play. Housework goes a lot quicker when there's someone to help you. I enjoy cooking but only when I have someone else to eat with me. 

*There's a future post coming about praying and living for certain things.