Irks

Some things I have noticed lately and thought I would share.

• Loneliness and unhappiness are NOT the same things. When these two words are used as synonyms it can lead to some awkward and demoralizing conversations. I have seen many people who were truly unhappy in their lives and feeling lonely has nothing to do with whether you are happy in your life or not. Loneliness occurs when your best friend has stopped returning your phone calls because they have met new friends and forgot you exist. Loneliness is easily overcome. When I feel lonely, I go to Barnes & Noble or to the movies. Unhappiness is when you are making choices that consistently bring nothing but darkness into your life. Not the same.

• Happiness is not a temperature scale. I was asked recently when the last time I truly felt happy was. I honestly don't know. As if I look back on my life and measure things so I can duplicate them constantly. I am genuinely a happy, contented individual. If you judge me based on minute encounters with me on one day out of 365 in a year, you do yourself and me a disservice by judging based on that one experience. I don't sit and constantly compare my moments of happiness and neither should you. In fact, asking me that question has sent me into a mild spiral of depression the past week because I've been sitting at home with not a whole lot to do thinking that I'm a complete failure. When, in reality, I am not! I just can't answer that question because I don't sit around agonizing over whether I am happy or not. I don't like that type of self-obsessive thinking. It is non-productive to me.

"Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be."  ~Neal A. Maxwell (Patience,"The Inexhaustible Gospel," p. 85)

• Comparison is a thief. By this I mean, when you compare me to another person, you steal my identity. I am not that other person. Nor can you compare my choices, attitudes, or quirks with another persons. Based on my life experiences, I will make my own choices given a particular set of circumstances. 99% of the time they will not be the choices a different person would make given the exact same set of circumstances. So please, for the love of chocolate, don't tell me I should be like so-and-so. I am NOT them!

• Medication is not a cure for unemployment. Asking me if I'm depressed and need psychological counseling or anti-depressants does NOT help me become employed. If I talk to you because I'm seeking advice because the amount in my checking account is rapidly approaching zero, the 100+ resumés I have sent out have not been replied to, and I measure my leaving the house by how much gas I will consume, I have zero desire for you to ask me if I think I need medication. WHAT?! 

• When you ask a question, allow me to give you an answer. Are there some people who honestly have gotten through life not realizing that when you ask a question the person being asked expects to give an answer? I believe in rhetorical questions but interrupting me halfway through the first sentence to tell me what I'm going to say is not productive. If you didn't want me to answer, why am I even talking with you? This is a lecture not a discussion.

• If you want me to respect you, NEVER talk about me behind my back with someone. I don't care who you are. The minute you go behind my back and tell someone you're gossiping about me out of concern because you love me, I immediately discard you from my brain. If you were so concerned and loved me so much, you could pick up the phone and dial my number just as easily as someone else's. Especially if you tell me to my face that I treat you like trash and then tell other people that, in your opinion, I am worthless. These are the type of people I no longer desire to have in my life. So, if you're reading this and you have done this, don't expect me to include you in any aspect of my life. 

Last mini-rant....

• The gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect; Christians are imperfect. That being said, I'm not perfect. You are not perfect. We are not perfect. But, when you bury your head in the sand on the beach and ignore the person who's drowning 25 feet from you.....there's just something wrong with that. And even worse is when the person is calling out to you, crying for any assistance and you have a safety ring that you could give them, but you stand there with your arms crossed and say, "I've helped you before. You don't deserve this safety ring to help you rest so that you can get back to shore without drowning. You need to learn your lesson." I am so grateful that Heavenly Father's love is unconditional and no matter how many times we mess up, He still has His arms stretched out to help us when we're drowning.

To sum up....

If you know of or see someone who is struggling with unemployment, consider the following quote instead of judging. You have no idea the skills and abilities an individual has or why they can't get a job. Don't EVER tell someone their being unemployed is a punishment from God, that He delights to humiliate His children during their lowest moments in life. It's simply not true.

"Despite our best efforts, things don't always work out as we have planned, and a particular 'wind of adversity' that can come into a man's [or woman's] life is unemployment. An early Church welfare pamphlet stated: 'A man out of work is of special moment to the church because, deprived of his inheritance, he is on trial as Job was on trial--for his integrity. As days lengthen into weeks and months and even years of adversity, the hurt grows deeper, … The Church cannot hope to save a man on Sunday if during the week it is a complacent witness to the crucifixion of his soul.'" ~Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Brethren, We Have Work to Do," October 2012.