Etiquette

One year for Christmas my grandparents gave us children a book on etiquette. We were their only grandchildren and they thought it was important that we knew how to behave in any situation. I read that book several times and have tried my whole life to follow those rules. They're very basic. Send "Thank You" notes, acknowledge people by name, don't blow your nose into your napkin at the table, send out announcements for important events, etc.

But, somewhere it seems like this idea of good behaviour has been lost. So it was interesting to me to discover that Emily Post is alive and well online. There is a website and institute dedicated to all types of situations and the appropriate etiquette. This week has brought this minor frustration with the behaviour of other people and stuff to the forefront. I know that I can't control the behaviour of other people but there are times--like this week--that I wish there was a way to inflict your emotions and perspective on others when their behaviour causes another person pain. Newsflash: your behaviour impacts other people; you are not an island!

Case in point: One of my brothers graduated from college this week. He's the first one to earn his Bachelor's Degree. Guess how I found out he graduated? His sister-in-law posted a picture on Facebook--after the fact. He didn't think it was important enough to tell me himself or respond to any emails in the past several months. No announcements were sent out, no event was posted on Facebook, no phone call was made. One of my SIL's is also pregnant and I have no clue when she's due. They determined that since I live too far away to attend a baby shower it's not important to tell me anything. They did this with the first baby and I still don't know when his birthday is. But, I don't live near them so why do I need to know? And why should they respond to an invitation to connect via Skype so I can actually talk face-to-face for free? That's been sitting there for more than 6 months, by the way.

I was goofing off with my youngest nephew in January, telling him I would be his favorite aunt, making him laugh. He and his brother are the only nephews/nieces I've met. My SIL thought it was okay to tell me that I would NOT be his favorite aunt since all of her sisters live within minutes of them and he sees them all the time. Since I don't live close by it's safe to say he won't really know me or care about who I am. I most definitely will not be his favorite aunt. Gee, thanks. That put me squarely in my place.

Why do people think it's okay to say or do things like this? The one brother and SIL I gave a book of etiquette to for their 1st Christmas. They had been married for almost a year and didn't think they needed to send out "Thank You" notes of any kind; not even an email saying, 'Hey we got the present; it's not lost in the mail. Thanks for spending money on us.' Then the brother had the audacity to complain that he didn't get a Christmas present or baby gift from one of our aunts. I don't understand it.

We can't change people. We can't teach them how to behave. We can't make them like us. We definitely can't make them love us. Unfortunately, for some reason we still give them the power to hurt us. My sister said something profound to me this week.

"They're acquaintances with whom I happen to share DNA."

To the world of those people who seem to think that others don't matter I say, "Emily Post knew something you don't. It is important how you treat others and you get respect by respecting others." To quote my dad: "Learn it. Live it. Love it." Etiquette is important because they way you behave teaches people who you are. You can talk all you want but when it comes down to it, people remember what you do.