Apathy

The best thing about depression is that I feel nothing at all. I'm not hungry. I don't care what I eat. The fact that I have 4 loads of laundry to do because pretty much everything is dirty doesn't bother me. My hair gets shampooed every day but I think that's more out of habit at this point. I don't leave the house and no one comes over so there's no reason to get dressed and pj's are super-comfy. No one calls me and it's too much effort to call anyone but my sister. I cry for no reason even though I no longer have any feelings to hurt; they're all so bruised anyway I wouldn't feel anything new even if someone did do something to hurt.

My biggest goal right now is beating the Special Cup and All Cup Circuit in Mirror Mode in MarioKart Double Dash on my ancient Game Cube. And only 2 people may even read this. I'm back where I was 6 years ago and I don't even care any more. This is my life right now and this is all it will ever be. I like my couch. It's comfy and there are pillows and blankets. I thought about moving back in with my mom but I'm not welcome there so I will be forever alone and lonely.

I'm really tired of living like this and hope the meds kick in soon to make waking up in the morning worth the effort. Even choosing a movie to watch on NetFlix is too much. Too many options and nothing is appealing. Maybe I'll go get a Frosty and some french fries.