Somewhat Better

I'm feeling a bit better today. Not sure if the meds are starting to do their job or if I just feel safer because my security system is installed and active. It's probably a combination of the two. Still have major anxiety issues about dealing with other people but I'm hoping those will start to go away soon. Talking to anybody feels like a huge chore. My introvert tendencies have really come out and the serious childhood shyness I outgrew has started to come back.

This weekend was bad mainly because I couldn't get my muscles to relax and therefore was awake for about 38 hours straight. That's happened to me on and off since I was 19 and I hate when it does. It used to happen when I was deep in a research project and couldn't shut off my brain. Now my body won't relax and my muscles feel like I've been lifting weights. I haven't been able to sleep in my bed for about 2 weeks but have zero problem falling asleep on the couch. I think it has something to do with my back being pressed up against the back cushions of the couch.

I am making progress though so that is fantastic news. I'm going to attempt to go to a movie some time this week. Crowds are hard right now so if I can sit through 120 minutes of light flashing on a screen while no one talks to me, hopefully I can make it through 75 minutes of church on Sunday. I need to get the oil changed in my car and really, really wish I could ask someone to do it for me. I don't know why something as simple and routine as that feels so overwhelmingly difficult.