Shunning FB

I deactivated my Facebook account this past weekend. I had enough. The majority of the people I was "friends" with I never saw in person or talked with, so why was I expending energy to check my newsfeed to see what was going on? It was just too much. I know a lot of people like it to keep in touch because it's easier to send out a quick comment on a photo or like something but there's nothing truly personal about it.

Yesterday when I got back from the doctor's office I retrieved my mail because I was outside. That's how I live my life now. If I've left the house I check the mail. When I leave I take the trash out. I can't do either of those things unless I've gotten in the car. I'm working on this.

So I got my mail and the July/August issue of Women's Health was in my mailbox. On the cover was an article headline stating "How to 'Friend' Someone in Real Life." The author Meirav Devash quoted Psychology Today's Friendship 2.0 blog talking about how although we have so many more opportunities to keep in touch we are actually becoming lonelier as a society. We take for granted the face-to-face or voice-to-voice interactions. Seeing someone's face as we are talking to them or hearing their voice is something that social media can't duplicate.

We have Skype--which I love!--and Google+ Hangouts and video chat which are face-to-face, voice-to-voice interactions but we have to make time for them. They are work. Clicking like on a photo on FB is easy and you don't actually need to make time to interact with the other person. It's something that only takes a few seconds. But, according to the article, those interactions are destroying our ability to make and keep friends in real life.

My friend Sarra and I participated in a discussion about this topic on G+. It was a fascinating discussion because, while we were all over the world and speaking to each other when we had time, the majority of those talking mentioned how hard it is to make and keep friends in real life; many of us spend more time online talking, discussing, arguing, etc with people we have never met but enjoy interacting with. Sarra and I have actually been talking about this phenomena for years; she and I talked to each other more  and didn't know or talk to our neighbors. We knew what was going on in each other's lives but didn't have anyone from whom we could borrow a cup of sugar.

The article author had quick bullet point subheadings for her article and I think they are fitting.

"Don't let your online friends be a time suck.""Force yourself to make new friends.""You're not that busy--stop rescheduling.""Make a gesture, small or large.""From time to time, pick up the phone."

While I've been going through this issue for the past month, I've mentioned to a few close friends how much I wish I had someone who lives close to me I could call and ask for help. I know my closest friends would do it for me but none of them live within 500 miles of me. Their phone calls and Skype dates have been life-saving, but it doesn't make up for someone showing up at my door with a casserole to make sure I'm eating. Or getting a ride to the doctor so I don't have to go alone. My anthropology professor liked to point out that the human body can survive far longer without food and water than the human spirit can survive without meaningful human interactions that include touch, smell, seeing, and hearing. You throw a meal in there and you've fed each other in most aspects of basic human needs.

The article mentioned and our G+ discussion pointed out how important it is to make new friends. I'm lucky because I live in such a large city where there are so many diverse  people with lots of interests and clubs I can join. Part of my psychological problem right now is not having a social life. It has caused huge imbalance in my life and been a major hit to my sense of self-worth. Finding new friends is so not something I want to do right now but it's vital for me to have people I can interact with in person, in real life.

Facebook is out of my life possibly for good. It's part of my learning to be selfish. I can no longer handle asking a question to "friends" on FB via a private message and rather than anyone responding in either the negative or the affirmative you see that someone saw the message and so-and-so left the conversation but no one actually types a response. That's like standing in front of someone and asking them a question and they just stare back at you or walk away. It's dismissive of another person's humanity and existence. I can't handle being treated like that anymore.