Words Fail Us

I read this article today and had one of those emotional moments where there were no words to describe my feelings. Which is mildly ironic considering that the author also laments the lack of ability to express her emotions in words. She is transcribing her great-great-great-grandfather's love letters to her great-great-great-grandmother during the course of their courtship and marriage beginning during the American Civil War. They are beautiful!

I wrote a post a few years ago about my feelings concerning the societal acceptance of giving flowers as an expression of love or as romantic gesture. For the record, I still think giving someone something that you have killed so that your loved one can watch them die is in no way something I find romantic. I have never mentioned what I do find to be a romantic gesture, although I have been asked that question several times in the past 9 years.

I think love letters are romantic. They are something tangible. They can be read and re-read over and over. They can be kept safe with all the other pieces of paper that I keep to mark the occasions that are significant to me. I have every wedding announcement my friends and family have sent me. I have a drawer full of ticket stubs and programs to museums, ballets, symphonies, plays, movies, etc. They sit with the postcards, birthday cards, Christmas cards, and other pieces of paper that have significance to me. I have a letter written to me from my dad hanging on my kitchen wall. All these things make up the story of my life. They prove that I lived.

There are so many words in so many languages that we get to use to express ourselves. Unfortunately, in part, I agree with Ms. Grier that our society has lost some of our ability to express ourselves in words. We find it difficult to say exactly what we think and feel. We type on a computer and the delete button allows us to erase what we feel. We must carefully edit ourselves so that we don't allow another to hurt us or so that we don't experience any discomfort over being embarrassed by messy emotions. Love isn't messy; love just is. I agree with Rogers and Hammerstein, "Love isn't love 'til you give it away."

The ease with which we can communicate over time and distance hasn't made it easier for us to honestly express what we feel and think. Telling someone you like them, think they are a wonderful person, that you love them, etc. has become so taboo, that we are made to feel ashamed for our feelings and honest expressions of them. How juvenile, immature, and sappy society tells us it is to openly write words of love and encouragement. You have to hide them behind words of censure and sarcastic quips. That's what all the people who are supposedly in love do on TV anyway.

I honestly wonder if the divorce rate would be as high today if people felt comfortable enough to say the words this man said to his sweetheart on a regular basis. Somehow, I don't think it would. Insecurity is bred by a lack of knowledge. If you don't know how someone else feels about you because they never communicate it to you,  it is that much more difficult to express to them the way you feel openly and honestly without fear of derision, ridicule, and shame.

We have no problem buying flowers at the supermarket but words of love, devotion, and friendship are just too risky. It's sad to me. For if you never say the words to the one who you most want to hear them, how will you ever know if they're returned? And even if there not, sometimes people need to know that at least one person breathing on the planet loves them. And you need to know that you are capable of saying them, whether in written or spoken word.